EARLIER: The Bible tells us to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes NOW: When the law stops us, ignore the law x.com/washingtonpost…

“Hope Hicks doesn’t feel safe? That poor woman.” - Child recently freed from cage, searching for parents

Tesla Stock Jumps On Report That Elon Musk Has Secured Private Funding But You Don’t Know Them Because They Go To Another School

Timeline of Space Force -Space Force -Crushingly bad prequels to Space Force -Long-awaited sequel to Space Force that is pretty much a copy of the original -Another sequel to Space Force. Infuriates grown men who live in parents’ basements. Twitter becomes unusable for years.

That’s a very nice stock market you have there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it.

GOD: What is this? PERSON: The Ten Commandments GOD: What does it say? PERSON: Do not lie, steal, covet, or commit adultery GOD: And what is Trump? PERSON: Scandal free and clean GOD (removes glasses, rubs bridge of nose): Okay, let’s try this again. But more slowly x.com/hemantmehta/st…

TRUMP: IS IT TRUE YOU CAN’T BE ARRESTED IF YOU COMMITTED A CRIME ON A WEDNESDAY SPEAKER: Sir, this is a McDonalds drive thru TRUMP: I WANT THE HAMBURGLAR TO BE THE ATTORNEY GENERAL x.com/MikeScarcella/…

Today, we honor the accomplishments of Paul Ryan in his mission to shrink the deficit, reduce government spending, and provide rigorous oversight of the executive branch

KUDLOW: Never believe the CBO. Instead, you should believe me, the guy who predicted slow growth before the longest expansion in history, denied the housing bubble in 2005, and recommended buying stocks on the eve of the Great Recession. x.com/washingtonpost…

GOP: We know enough about babies to regulate the female reproductive system ALSO GOP: Diaper bags aren’t real. You made that up. x.com/elisefoley/sta…

If only we could’ve known that a guy who said he got more electoral votes than Obama, his inauguration had the largest turnout in history, Obama’s unemployment rate was 42%, and the 58-floor Trump Tower had 68 floors would lie to make himself look better washingtonpost.com/outlook/trump-…

Guy celebrating 4/20 vs. Trump

[Ten minutes later] BREAKING: Trump nominates romaine lettuce to be Secretary of Agriculture x.com/washingtonpost…

420 retweets 👍

TRUMP: I’m having a terrible month COHEN: Hold my beer PRUITT: Hold my beer MULVANEY: Hold my beer TRUMP: At least my nominee to run the VA is avoiding controversy, right? JACKSON: (*chugging Cohen’s, Pruitt’s, and Mulvaney’s beers*)

1980 GOP: Anyone, from any corner of the world, can come to the United States and become an American 2016 GOP: An American with Mexican parents can’t be a fair judge 2018 GOP: An American with Chinese parents must be committing treason x.com/AaronBlake/sta…

Other commemorative coins from Trump that are now on sale -The “Repeal Obamacare” coin -The “Won The Popular Vote” coin -The “Has Tapes of Comey” coin -The “Has An Extremely Credible Source That Obama’s Birth Certificate Is A Fraud” coin x.com/christinawilki…

EXPECTATION: Bring North Korea’s nuclear program to its knees REALITY: Bring the White House gift shop website to its knees