TWO FOR THE SHOW

I used to work with a woman at Greggs who if you made one like A1/A2 she’d say ‘Bloody ell it’s like tit’

Now to me, that’s very naughty

Twitter be like

I’ve said ‘I wish I had loads of money’ out loud three times today - will let you know how I get on 👍

May the 13th be with you 😎

Rod Stewart has turned into a little Victorian doll

It's been the best part of 25 years since Noel's House Party has finished. But every time I have a quiet Saturday night in I am terrified that I'll be on NTV.

Remember when Gwyneth Paltrow said she ‘broke down and ate bread’ in lockdown - I stuck a whiteboard on the wall where I repeatedly wrote the words ‘BECOME A NEW GOD’ so yeh same hun 🍞

Me last night Me this morning

Me trying to get used to having a massive guy in my house after living alone for 2 years

i honestly believe the sooner we get kelloggs start back the sooner we can turn this country around.

I slept in a big bed with my wife