If I had a penis I’d be putting it in vaginas ALL the time 👌 🎯 🤣

Imagine having such low self of steam you have to dress like a lady. A shimmering dress, an elegant pearl necklace, legs shaved as smooth as wet opal, that’s the easy way out!

Anyone ever notice when a girl says something’s wet you can say “I’ll make you wet” omegalul Like sex! Lmaoooooooooo

God, Country and Crypto 🙏

Saw a kid in a Cowboys jersey so I told his dad he should put him up for adoption and we fist-bumped, Go birds!🦅

I get why you can't drink and drive but sometimes I just need a nip of Wild Turkey while I fire off some work emails from the Schuylkill Expressway. Go Birds! 🦅

Just threw up in a Wawa. Go Birds! 🦅

Gas station wouldn't let me use the bathroom so I pissed in the bucket where they keep the windshield washers. Go Birds! 🦅

I doubled parked this "car" (Jetta) and then some asshole triple parked me. So me and the Jetta laid on the horn til the guy came out and moved. I tried to get Jetta's number but the second I backed out she flipped me off. Can't win 'em all, Go Birds!🦅

A baby was crying on the plane so I spit on it. Go Birds!🦅

I have two beautiful children and the rest are from my first wife

I noticed tax day is when all my favorite OnlyFans accounts launch the best sales on feet pics, go Birds!

Guy at the poker table was surprised I wasn’t giving the cocktail waitress the time of day when she was trying to flirt with me. He asks if I’m gay and I says “yeah, I’m gay for my freakin wife.” Go Birds!