K time to start rioting in the streets.

Fancy hand sanitizer is such an unnecessary flex.

Would you like some McChicken with your mayonnaise sandwich, sir?

(Entitled) bikers are just the lord tempting me to commit vehicular manslaughter on a daily basis. Tweeting this as I drive.. hopefully I take some of them out now

The best part about wearing a bandana at work is that I can be a mouth breather in peace, without any of the judgement

Why do I always end up seeing an attractive stranger at the gas station and try to look cool while pumping my gas?

Watching the food network is like watching porn without jerking off. I don’t get it

When the going gets tough, very politely put in your 2 weeks notice

Why does mustard only come out watery when you forget to do a test squirt in the sink?

Maybe I’m just starving, but the McDouble that’s been festering in my backpack for the past 25 minutes in the baking sun is one of the best McDoubles I’ve had in a while. And I’ve had a lot of McDoubles

People really out here thinking they’re talented after lip syncing popular TikToks??

Genndy Tartakovsky, you’ve done it again 🐐🦖

When life hands you lemons.. just say fuck the lemons and bail - Kunu

If there was ever one actor to bring justice to young Indiana Jones, it is without a doubt, River Phoenix

I can definitely get used to hearing Frank Sinatra every Vegas home game #RaiderNation

Tell your doctor if you’ve been to areas where certain fungal infections are common

This changes everything

Has anyone else noticed there's about 7 Joneses? Jones'? Joni? in this Raiders Dolphins game?

Announcer: TOUCHDOWN Tremble! His first NFL touchdown! Tremble: *celebrates* My friend: C'mon man, act like you've been there before.

"Goedert status changed from questionable to COVID-19"