As a matter of principle I am not in favour of the death penalty. I think in general it would do more harm that good. But so help me, if the person that has attacked that kids club in Southport was strung up I would be cheering in the crowd.

Any chance we can use the Bibby Stockholm for all the rioters

Of all the people that should sit this one out, Mrs Michael Gove must be high on the list.

Mr Musk, you are charged with disclosing classified state military secrets to a hostile foreign power. How do you plead? Free speech innit. Why you crafty, democracy loving sunnabitch. Not guilty. Case dismissed.

Which bit of Magna Carta will you miss the most?

Wouldn’t trust her to spell it

This is actually funny from SNL

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are just far too American. I will be sticking to marmalade and Marmite sandwiches thank you very much.

It’s the fucking Catalina wine mixer

Can we get 500 retweets as soon as possible on this new ad completely humiliating Donald Trump

If Game of Thrones was filmed in a Trailer Park

Do you think Jesus was more of a capitalist or socialist? Now, who you voting for?

I’m taking part in the great exodus to #bluesky Twitter is now basically just fruitcakes and porn. There is a place for both in this world but that’s not what I want to use my social media for. If anyone wants to follow me it’s the same username @danieljfranklin

Throwback to when Boris Johnson said money was being "spaffed up the wall" in investigating historic child abuse.

This is the best illustration of the obscene wealth of Elon Musk that I’ve seen. Look how much rice he’s got! We don’t have to organise our world like this.

Sharia courts have about as much legal jurisdiction as Tennis courts you great space baby.

Like your boss Donald J. Trump

100,000,000,000% tariffs

So this makes Elon Musk 6ft 5in presumably?

When the first pedestrian is knocked down at a zebra crossing because the driver wasn’t sure what all the red crosses meant, are we going to blame the immigrants for that too?