One of my third graders just materialized in my classroom to inform me that the art teacher has run out of markers and when I asked how that could possibly be he said solemnly “she says because we’re not careful but actually I think it could be her own fault” and then just left?

Today one of my third graders was passively watching me eat my lunch and said out of the thin blue air “I’m proud of you for not getting taco bell” and I’d just like to know when these beloved children of mine will start leaving me alone

I’ve known my bf for two and a half years and never in that time has he mentioned the personal lore of when he was student teaching and there was a free range tortoise and hamster who explored the classroom together I’m SCREAMING

One of my favorite jokes to play on my friends is being in love with my bf

Yeah mine is Full Beard there is literally no other criteria. Also zoe kravitz but if I talk about that for too long I’ll start uncontrollably producing saliva

Looks like I’m gonna have to find another way to make that $74/month

I genuinely think I would be a more successful adult if I did not have social media bc I would think about things like ~investing~ and ~going to the dentist~ but instead, because of primarily this app, all I have thought about since 2012 is that 400 year old Greenland shark

Okay and I’m Maddie

Should I make this screenshot from a tiktok about my car being stolen my profile picture

Today a second grader hugged me then said “whoa” and I said “do I stink?” and he said “no. I mean a little bit but that’s not why I said whoa” and then he just walked away???

Yes I ate an entire subway foot long for lunch today but I am capable of change

I am this close to muting the words ‘between’ and ‘keyboard’ and also ‘look’ and ‘on’ and ‘your’ and ‘the’ and every letter of the alphabet