"I said I was shocked by the secrecy and cover-up over the admission of thousands of Afghans to Britain at the cost of £7bn to the taxpayer. What did I say, Roy?" "You said 'I was Foreign Secretary when it happened'."

YER DINNER’S READY

*eating popcorn with the trepidation of someone who has to look after their teeth*

12 points from Gryffindor

Ran over a pigeon today and it turns out, after all, I’d make a really rubbish assassin because I had to pull over and have a little cry #PigeonKiller

For the love of grok aren’t there any new movies anymore???

How’s that North Yorkshire hose-pipe ban working out for ya

How many centuries must a street sign display “formerly known as”?

Yeh won’t be reading this font

Dumplings for me tea

Chilli crisp

It’s sad 😔 that sometime in British history, the very last Darren and Tracy had their names emblazoned at the top of the windscreen

Pre- Sunday lunch crumble (pears and blackberries from the garden because I’m a hunter-gatherer)

This soup is cawlled “Oh Look, There’s A Tin Of Beans In the Cupboard” . (Extra points for a Welsh pun)

Cromerty 7 to severe gale 9, veering West Gale 8 to Storm 10. Occasionally poor

TGIF

Fair warning: tie down that watering-can tonight so that you’re not woken up at 3am by a GRNNNghhhGNGhuuuu sound as it’s dragged across the patio #StormFloris

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