texting someone with an android is kinda like sending a fax

i wish you could laugh react job postings on indeed

I miss green apple skittles. mfers really wanted lime back, u know how stupid you sound, go eat a damn lime since u like it so much

people with a “nut allergy” just be lyin

sometimes the q-tip in your ear be feeling way too good

I enjoy shredding my mouth roof on ruffled chips

heating pad broke, guess i’ll die

my fav thing to do on here is click the "show offensive replies" button

turning the fridge ice maker on before bed so the rattling in the night simulates a home invasion

pretty sure my apartments nerfed the water pressure

y’all ever run out of vitamins and say fuck it time to be unhealthy

I only posted on here 8 times last year

Snow day but I might walk to work and slide around on the black ice

Why tf do people love buying bread when it snows. I just wanted to make my sandwich

Got me one of them shower rods that falls down every time I take a shower

$30 woodwick candle

If I don’t understand you when you tell me your name for the third time I’m bout to just call you boss man

Never mad when I get someone else food order by accident. It’s like a little surprise where I get to try some thing new

Just glad Amazon doesn’t have a dark mode or I’d be buying way too much shit late at night