As tension between the U.S. and Iran builds, B-52s are being sent to the Middle East. Because who can fight when you're busy dancing to "Love Shack"?

Walmart has raised the minimum age to buy tobacco at their stores from 18 to 21. However, anyone of any age can still visit the rusty pickup in the parking lot and purchase crystal meth.

An explorer diving to the world's deepest part of the ocean discovered human trash. Whoa. What's Kid Rock doing at the bottom of the ocean?!?

A Pennsylvania man was busted for flushing his grandparents' ashes down the toilet. Hey, it's Pennsylvania. At least they're in a better place now.

The rock band KISS now has its own Crocs. For when you wanna rock and roll all night, but you have to power-wash the deck all day.

Grumpy Cat died. Fortunately, the spirit of a foul-tempered, aloof cat will live on in EVERY OTHER CAT.

Algeria and Argentina have officially been declared malaria-free. Meanwhile, over here we're bringing back the frickin' measles.

Walmart is closing 15 stores across the U.S. and Canada. Those stores will have huge clearance sales on all store merchandise . . . and restroom meth lab equipment.

The third season of "Stranger Things" premieres next month. If you're not caught up, just play pinball while listening to Pat Benatar and you will be.

Spike Lee wants Hollywood to stop filming in Georgia. And Hollywood wants Spike Lee to stop dressing as a pimp elf.

A truck hauling 130 million bees crashed in Montana. Police are now conducting a STING operation. ......no, you shut up!

Cockroaches are evolving and are becoming resistant to pesticides. It may become impossible to kill them with chemicals . . . which would make them like Keith Richards.

17 kids attacked a lifeguard at a public pool in Philadelphia. But to be fair to the kids, the guy WAS wearing a New York Giants jersey.

Experts say vitamins do nothing to extend lifespan. As if we needed more reason to replace grandma's pill tray with tabs of ecstasy.

The most common item left behind in hotel rooms is a phone charger. At least, they're the most common thing you can see without a black light.

Ford just introduced a 760-horsepower Mustang, which is the most powerful, street-legal Mustang ever. Though unfortunately for anyone who buys it, the car still isn't powerful enough to make you forget about your complete inability to satisfy your wife.

Sir Mix-a-Lot turns 56 today. Most nights for him it's more like Sir Pees-a-Lot.

Smokey the Bear turned 75 this week. So he now blames forest fires on liberals and undocumented immigrants.

A Wisconsin family found a live frog in their store-bought salad. That's kind of hard to believe. I mean a Wisconsin family having a salad.

California will be the first state to ban fur. They're following the example set by the porn industry.