I took away his Tamagotchi. He is utterly inconsolable. I don’t even know why I took it.

I really appreciate everyone’s input. After further deliberation and some tough self reflection, it seems it was wrong of me to take his Tamagotchi. However, and I cannot stress this enough, he ain’t getting it back.

Hypothetically, if I found a human arm in the garbage, am I obligated to inform the authorities? How much can I consume before it’s considered tampering with evidence?

Do NOT trust this man. He sold me defective frogs. My latest batch of wizards brew is ruined.

Caught Wesley eating pond scum for the third time this week. I can’t afford to get him treated for parasites again. Please express your disappointment in Wesley.

Unfortunately my favourite son, Dudley, has been consumed by the Isopods. Please pour one out for Dudley.

The dating world is rough. Finally brought a man home only for him to freak out and leave as soon as he sees Xarr-Tull, Lord of Tides.

Wilmer broke my brand new Samsung smart fridge. He’s going to spend a few weeks in the punishment corner.

The man at the farm won’t sell me a hog so I made my own hog. A better hog. Get fucked, farm man.

Stupid Locker of Immeasurable Torment scratched my DVD copy of Babe: Pig in the City with its stupid hands. Stupid.

The government is trying to take this child away from me. Honestly, it’s probably for the best. He scares the shit out of my dog.

The skeletons can smell the bones beneath my house. They want the contents of my bone pit. But it’s my bone pit. Mine 😞.

The Shrouded Woman is back. Each night she bestows new visions of horror and torment. My mind is deteriorating quickly. Please tell me if you can see her in this picture. It is possibly my apartment is experiencing a gas leak.

My therapist told me to go outside more but now I am engaged in a territory war with the hound-men. My mental health has never been worse. There are dozens of them.

The skin woman has increased my skin quota. I only have so much skin to give. I could use some positive vibes right now. Also skin.

I wasted my grandfathers vast emerald fortune to create the most advanced submarine the world has ever seen. I just wanted to see some cool crabs and shit man, not this loser.

Today is Boris’s birthday. I have purchased him a much larger cage. Look at the little scamp go. He absolutely loves it.