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“I am become death, destroyer of worlds.” “Good on you, buddy. I’m about four seconds from destroyin’ these trousers.”

Can’t scrape data from the site if it’s completely non-functional.

BREAKING: 1969 Los Angeles chalk full of people not killed by Manson Family.

If you Google “dumpster fire” it just takes you to Google now.

Anyone signing up for twitter banking should immediately be placed in a conservatorship.

I feel seen.

Best part of the indictment is Rudy calling and messaging god-knows-who with all this stuff.

Imagine thinking this was interesting enough to ask two additional people about.

Coming soon to a theater near you… Ben Affleck in… ASS PLUNDER

Men will literally petition the Supreme Court of the United States for emergency relief instead of going to therapy.

I saw Robert Johnson down at the crossroads. His hair was perfect.

Find somebody who loves you like Google flights loves recommending a 22 hour layover in Denver.

It rules that all the normie replies are “actually DST is ending” and all the blue check ones are the dumbest shit you’ve heard in your life.

No need for a bank account, you can route your direct deposit straight to Porn Hub.

A Terminator prequel where Cyberdyne tries to fire Miles Dyson and a bunch of VC dickheads totally hit the roof.

8 - Put a shock collar on this guy. Charge people to control it remotely.

The #1 program in America is I Just Need To Get These Dishes Done For Fuck’s Sake.

Genuinely wondering if Joe Mazzulla could pick a basketball out of a police lineup.