Is this some kind of joke Austin City Limits? Where is Ray Wylie Hubbard????

Just leaving a note here for ALL restaurants: pls don’t forget that the appearance of your bathroom is how your guest envisions your kitchen. Thank you.

the human asked what i wanted to be for halloween. and after some thought. i have decided. i would like to be cherished

Hey sarahtiana⚾️🏈, could you help bring attention to this story?

A ride to the hospital should not cost more than a luxury cruise to the Antarctic. Unless we’re also going to see penguins. cc: EMS#!$&

Everyone won’t always agree with you. Before becoming hurtful and defensive, try your best to see things from all points of view. Disagreements don’t always need to end in pain and heartache.

This JCPenney is a ghost town. You clickity-click people are cyber weak.

Sadly, some people think “love is in the air” when it’s really just old potpourri.

1942 me: Why are they putting drums on country songs??? 2020 me: Why won't they use real drums on country songs???

I'm not terribly worried about the Coronavirus, but if there is ever a Jameson virus I'm screwed!

If you personally know someone who has tested positive for covid -19 retweet this. People need to see how close it really is.

This is all happening because you refuse to eat black-eyed peas on January 1st. This is on you.

"I beg your pardon?" - coronavirus in the Rose Garden

You know how you got your vaccine without paying a dime? You didn’t spend hours on the phone with your insurance company. You weren’t reduced to a profit margin. That’s how all health care could be.

My nephew Lyle is upset Instagram and Facebook aren’t working. I handed him the church bulletin.

Dear Young People, You know what’s wireless? A mop.

How did some people go from singing Christmas carols together to publicly chanting bad words?

Where can you watch the TV show "The Untouchables?" Bill Burr

Dear World, We’d be better off if we limit all showdowns to The Price Is Right.

FUCK THE WALMART