Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog Me: is clairvoyant, yes

There’s no conclusive way to prove this 😂 Nigga could be 38

And what happens if I toss Phil in the air fryer rn

There should be a rule that if Phil sees his shadow he gets publicly executed immediately after

I saw my shadow this morning. Six more weeks of being a bitch.

Fuck that fucking groundhog. No wonder he showed up on the Epstein files. Fucking pervert

notice how they have never once been in memphis, tennessee

After eating a burrito in San Fran.

“Worst halftime performance ever”

yeah, i have a job

chicken so tender it's raising my cane

babe you are my soulmate but what are we gonna do with the fact that we both retarded

Awful news for this guy

it's time to give that baby monkey a gun

Punch 2026. Punch 2030.

Connor Hellebuyck - Secretary of Defense

omw to get the worm early asf

Michigan State after losing to UConn and then beating Duke: