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Ode to the Sea We went down to the seaside Fishing for some dabs I met a boy beneath the pier And all I caught was crabs

Bert Bradshaw, never one to throw away a decent pair of curtains.

Dear TV advertisers your box ticking ads once merely annoyed me now they totally piss me off. Let’s keep it real can we? 🤔

Shoppers carry on regardless during an unscheduled power cut.

Sally Smudge makes preparations for her blind date but can’t decide whether to surprise him with a cake or a tart.

Ode to a far off place. I’d love to see Australia It’s beautiful I know But the Count’s not big down under So I guess we’ll never go.

During my travels I occasionally stumble across a business or individual who leaves me with a warm feeling and a smile on my face and I feel they deserve recognition so I’ve come up with ‘A Countess Kiss’. This award will be made on here and hopefully deliver a smile back to them

My very first ‘Countess Kiss Award’ goes to a smashing little cafe in Witney, Oxfordshire called ‘Delice’ with a special mention to this jolly smasher who made me both welcome and smile as soon as I entered. Well done you 😊👍 Witney UK

As the tide comes in Bob Bailey quickly serves a couple more customers before the water reaches his Mivvis.

Although he is out of shot Len Lord proves, once again, that he’s never one to turn down a challenge.

After her failed album attempt Sally Snurd decided that a singing ventriloquist act was just too much of a challenge.

Not one of mine but could still get me in trouble 🫢

Sid Shovel aka ‘Danny Boy’ was able to obtain a foreign record deal but his singing was so bad his backing group ‘The Penitents’ would only appear with him on one condition.

Following the unfortunate shooting incident which resulted in the loss of bassist Lenny Lunge and rhythm guitarist Bob Bulge the groups leader, Arthur Sprout, later acknowledged that his two biggest mistakes were a) those suits and b) the Windsor Safari Park gig.

My Dear Raj Bisram you velvet tongued rascal how the devil are you….it’s been a while? Listen I recently watched you on one of those Antique type programs and took a leaf out of your book by offering a local dealer half the ticket price but he told me to sod off. Any advice? 🤔

Sid Skipton is told to look at the camera and ignore the glamour shoot in the opposite corner.

Lilly can’t wait for Teds moustache to tickle her fancy later……..but Ted has a secret.

The Count was in court yesterday on a charge of public indecency for wearing no clothes whilst shopping. To emphasise his campaign for naturist freedom he appeared completely naked and received a stiff fine from Judge Wendy Phillips when he came up in front of her.

I am not at all happy with the Counts new bird bath.