What's red and doesn't move? Me

A Trotskyite, a Stalinist and a Maoist walked into a bar. It was for the Momentum Christmas party.

How long does it take to eat a tyre? A month to eat the tyre, another 15 months for Owen Jones to realise what eating a tyre does to you.

What's red and sits in the corner? Owen Jones at a Momentum meeting.

My New Year's resolution is to give up on infighting and namecalling, unlike those bastards in the Fabians.

Knock knock Who's there? Europe You can't come in.

Doctor, doctor, I can't stop contradicting myself Is that right? No.

How many of the Labour leadership does it take to change a lightbulb? It's the will of the people that the lightbulb stays as it is.

Why didn't the chicken cross the road? It felt threatened by UKIP

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because of the Blairites

Knock knock Who's there? The interrupting Burgon The interrup... VERY REAL CONCERNS

Yo mama so old she remembers the last time Copeland had a Tory MP.

What's red and didn't seem interested in staying in Europe? #afc

Why did the chicken cross the road? To join the protest.

I'm not saying my mother-in-law hates me, even though I'm on tape saying exactly that.

Please stop stealing our material. x.com/jeremycorbyn/s…

Get back in your box, you obsolete omnitwat. x.com/toadmeister/st…

Why doesn't Toby Young drink herbal tea? Because he inherited millions worth of proper tea.

Yo mama so dumb she went to a Toby Young school.

etc.