An orgasm so intense, you get kicked out of Costco.

What kind of psychopath orders a medium pizza ?

I'd rather things be "up my alley" than "in my wheelhouse".

Betty Poop likes to feed gorillas.

There is a phallus between me and Gunthar Poonflaps.

Sorry it's politics o'clock

My parrot doesn't like me.

Sarah Aaron Rainbow Brite I'm just not that into you.

Contemplate me once, shame on stupendous firefighters; contemplate me twice, shame on Penis Dog.

I think I used to be human.

I hope I don't die tomorrow.

Probably gonna fuck myself to death.

I'd tweet more, but I'm seriously busy learning Welsh. Not even lying about that.

It's pretty much Christmas, & your butthole is bleeding...

Can't decide if I should watch "Scrooged" or jerk-off into your clothes dryer.

I'm pulling on my eyelids, but that doesn't help.

You have 26 followers and your microarmpit is homely.

I hope your dad has testicles.

I just love plastic robots so fucking much.

I have a Megatron in my pocket. Fuck you.