Elon Musk will never fix the porn it problem because he 100% wants to fuck a robot

OJ simpson is dead, apparently of cancer, but I’ll wait to find out who the *real* killer was.

I picked up a Rivers Of London book from a bookshop. I’ve only read two before but I do quite like where the opinions of the 23 year old mixed race inner city cop main character sound weirdly like the opinions of the 60 year old white writer.

Mike Cobraman Here's the rhyme I use to tell them apart:
If the wrestler's bald head be smooth that ye see,
Then Duane 'The Rock' Johnson that wrestler be,
If the wrestler's head be all lumpy and blistered,
Then the wrestler ye see is old David Bautista

Ever read a sentence that stops you dead from just how much they said the quiet part loud?

This from a front page article on the BBC.

You know how the James Bond motif pops up when he does something really cool?

They should have at least one bit in every movie where it plays on him doing something mundane, just to see if you’re paying attention. Flossing, or filling in an arrival card after a flight.

Ancient Greek mariner: beware, do not steer the boat onto the rocks, listening to the Siren songs

Women on the rocks: WHOOP! WHOOP! THATS THE SOUND OF THE POLICE

I’m not surprised there’s generational trauma if your family are having romantic relationships with each other.

The Curb Your Enthusiasm scripts just look like this, the rest is improvised

Got the day off and so I’m seriously considering doing 500 attempts at the Monty Hall problem, half sticking, half twisting, because I’m fairly sure the maths is wrong and it is a 50/50 chance.

*Jeopardy Interview Segment*

Ken: it says here that 'they're out to get you'

me, beaming: thats right Ken

If you're in the NY area and need a piano, my bf is traveling to Poughkeepsie to try and help a friend find new homes for 50 pianos! I believe they're all free and some of them are very nice quality models/ antiques

Always consistently surprised by people who know their government lie to them, that their press lie to them, and that corporations lie to them, and yet if there’s a suggestion from someone from not your team thinks this, they’re a raving nutbag tinfoil hat charlatan

To any Americans worried by the solar eclipse and if it’s going to induce Rapture:

The first minute and a half is dreamy and ethereal and then Debbie Harry starts rapping.

Last one tonight. EVER. I’m not filming it or anything so you have to come see it.

I just have to remember that it’s not my fault and I can’t actually do anything to affect it. #thefootball

Correctly, though

Today in my occasional series “punchlines I don’t have a set up for”

Venus De Milfo

Proof that the best acting doesn’t always take place on stage, or on a multi million dollar film set. This freaked me out as a child, but looking back now, all I see is an insane bit of acting. In 30 seconds, Adrian performs a blinder. And it’s just for an ad. Amazing.