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Direct deposits > good morning texts

It's been "one of those days" for like three years now

18: can I buy a bottle of wine? USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible 18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education? USA: in fact we encourage it

me: "I'll only go out for one drink" also me, 4 hours later after 13 beers:

just noticed sorority girls pose exactly like meerkats in pictures

I would like to thank myself, for teaching myself everything this semester

college is just paying thousands of dollars to procrastinate in a different city

[to the starbucks barista] can you just fuck me up?

I just realized that I only drink coffee and tequila

adding water to your soap to "extend its lifespan"

I didn’t fail the class, the class failed me. Emotionally

Fork found in kitchen

Here we gooooo

Good for them.

My brain has two modes: “we have time” and “it’s already too late”

I want to learn how to budget but that would require having money to spend in the first place

you know you're in college when you think "I could nap on that bench" unironically

My bar for success is so low. Like if I send one email, it’s been a productive day