as a server this is the thing that would break me. like I would snap, fully. no survivors in my section. you can’t imagine the carnage

to say he is aggravated that he cannot chow down on the new lilac is an understatement of herculean proportions

Baseball season has begun, and I’m just waiting to get drafted by the Blue Jays because at least I can get on base every inning 😎

It's amazing how desensitized to the news I am now, like I just saw a headline that said 'Earth is about to experience a severe solar storm that could wipe out the internet!!!' and all I could think was cool, a break from twitter *would* be nice

cool cool coffee lids are woke now, sure, the bigger question is did she attempt to make out with her coffee cup

I ran my fastest 3k ever this morning by over a minute and didn’t actively wish for death until the very end, so I assume my invitation to the 2024 Paris Olympics is in the mail

The responses to this range from “Don’t have sex if you don’t want babies, you tax-wasting whores” to “Oh so you’re in favour of killing babies now, you tax-wasting whores?” and I think that’s really neat and not concerning at all

I was sitting on a rock waiting for my running buddy this morning and an elderly man rolled down his window and delightedly exclaimed, “You look like a beautiful painting!” before driving away and THAT is how you compliment a lady, gentlemen

Whoever decided we needed the two most beautiful people in 1999 to star in The Mummy thank you for your service

Pay attention. I’ve talked to several (kind, liberal) men in the last few weeks who still have downplayed Poilievre’s potential effect on abortion rights in Canada. We cannot do that. There are SO many pro-life MPs in parliament. We cannot be complacent in this. “Preborn” my ass.

there’s nothing better to me than complimenting a woman on her outfit or lipstick or hair in passing and seeing her face light up, put that magical shit in my veins

Watch out Spider-Man, I’m coming for your job (if your job is climbing a few walls and then taking a break because your arms get tired, which I assume it is)