If you want to receive a text message every 3 minutes for an hour, send your husband to the grocery store.

They got enough self-righteous hypocrites in this pew to start a group DM.

I don’t think mutual respect is an unrealistic expectation.

I only tweet to remind people how annoying my thoughts are.

I understand silence so intimately we became best friends.

I made you laugh and that means everything.

What if happiness is just the absence of pain?

I told my son to put a quarter into the swear jar and he told me to “fuck off.”

A pot of cheese fondue will make everything right again.

Never give up on your delusions.

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 6 years, since 19 Mar 2014 (via Twi Age 🥳).

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 7 years, since 19 Mar 2014 (via Twi Age 🥳).

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 8 years, since 19 Mar 2014 (via Twi Age 🥳).

It's my #Twitterversary! I have been on Twitter for 9 years, since 19 Mar 2014 (via Twi Age 🥳).