Brampton come experience our light side and also our dark side; we’ll play major AND minor chords. We’re at the @GardenSQLive tonight at 8pm. Totally FREE. 🆓🆓🆓

PRE-SAVE ‘VICTORIA’ THROUGH THE LINK IN OUR BIO. AVAILABLE WORLDWIDE OCTOBER 19TH. smarturl.it/BoB_Victoria

You ever get in a Uber that’s smelly as heck and you’re stuck at red light after red light wondering how long until the shower you just had wears off

There’s “don’t be a stranger” & then there’s the kind of “don’t be a stranger” where they probably really need you to not be a stranger but you probably still will be because you don’t know them that well & then you resent them for preemptively judging you for being a stranger

I now watch Kitchen Nightmares on YouTube at the gym to deter me from cheating on my diet. In addition to being a great show it’s helping with my gains. Thanks Gordon Ramsay!

Hockey fights are mind-boggling when you take a step back. Like Imagine any track and field event with expected and condoned fights that got replayed all week

Hey ttc here’s a tip: if there’s an emergency and a delay instead of having just one info-broadcast over the loudspeaker, have two different ones going at the same time oh wait you already do that

Old Bond movies are great. They always have names that sound cool but are not like a real thing that people say, and then they have to awkwardly work it into the song at the beginning like “till your struck with the thunder..ball!!!!”

“In emergency: break glass” is f—ed up. We’ll help you deal with an emergency! But first you must smash broken glass all over the place and your emergency BETTER be worse than that sort of thing! Actually nvm I get them now.

KEVIN BACON WASN’T IN FOOTLOOSE!

You eat sausages your whole life but you refuse vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it.

Check out my boy’s new single!

I can’t explain it but the more Handmaid’s Tale I watch and am blown away by, the less embarrassed I get when I remember the time I met Elizabeth Moss and told her “I love your work”

I’ll never forget the time I bit into a Kit-Kat and there was no wafer inside; just solid chocolate all the way down.

BREAKING NEWS: Georgia Senator Jon Ossoff files the first bill in U.S. history to ever GUARANTEE the voting rights of EVERY American, closing loopholes in the Voting Rights Act of 1965 that continue to be exploited by Republicans. RT if you support it!

Fboy Island you had me at Fboy Island—oh, you’re…actually called “F” Boy Island? Oh you’re not allowed to actually say the word Fuck but everybody still has to call each other Fboys constantly cuz duh that’s what you named the island? You’re lucky I WANT to be painfully annoyed

I love the Beatles, they’re like the Elvis Presley of music

“Hi this is a Steely Dan song about a guy fantasizing about becoming a jazz musician and dying in a drunk driving accident, that sounded better in my head, probably sounded better in their heads, but it’ll definitely sound better when I play it at this open mic night.”

MY MILK STEAK BRINGS ALL THE GIRLS TO THE BAR AND THEY’RE LIKE “ITS BOILED OVER-HARD” DAMN RIGHT ITS BOILED OVER HARD JUST PUT MILK STEAK SHE’LL KNOW WHAT IT IS

I used to think that that Blur song went “I got my head shaved by a chumboché” instead of “jumbo jet” and that maybe a chumboché was slang for like a cool Latino guy