Just sent off an email saying warmest “retards” instead of “regards”

hello 👋🏽

Me fast forwarding through the tribute to documented racist, Hulk Hogan, on Monday Night Raw.

See also: Jelly Roll interview

How do you say this word: Celtic Is it ‘kel-tic’, like a Celtic knot? Or is it ‘sell-tic’, like the Boston Celtics?

Yaaaaaa

My Gaga tattoo is the best thing I have ever spent money on, but I’ll never live down getting it during the Chromatica era lmao

Y’all ever heard of screwworms?? I think I might stop eating meat for a while

The CEO suing Coldplay is a great demonstration of men's refusal to take accountability despite what they claim.

“Fuck the shit out of you” has to be one of the worst phrases. Isn’t the whole point to NOT get shit involved?

Get you a man who loves you even though you’re a fuckin bitch

Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, beats a Jet 2 holiday 🤣😂😅

30 must be the age when your filter starts to go out the window because I do not give the slightest fuck anymore. I’m happy to go there, regardless of who you are.

There’s nothing worse than calling out a moron online for being a moron and their only comeback is:

I was letting my dog out and had a mini stroke because I thought someone was at my door grabbing the handle at the same time as me

How many pillows do you use while you’re sleeping?

Blows my mind that Oprah owns her own road in Hawaii. One of the only roads that leads to higher ground. And refused to allow Hawaiians to use it to escape the tsunami. And she only relented after the line of victims waiting in their cars embarrassed her into opening it. Wow.

Dentist: you’ve been grinding a lot in your sleep lately Me: I really appreciate that big dawg