I’m assuming taking 5 hour energy AND pre-workout together is dangerous... but it’s one of those days 😴❌🤯

I don’t need to sleep, I just need to have my eyes stapled shut with a warm towel permanently glued to them

I think I’m wearing a girls shirt right now.. just some #foodforthought

Apparently my friends are upset I’ve never had a headache in my life.. I thought that was something to be happy about 😁

Am I watching “the office” from beginning to end for the 4th time? Yes, guys, yes I am

Since when is being hungover an excuse to not go to the gym? Smh

So 37 followers. The mustache. You decide.

A buddy of mine took his life yesterday, he was an amazing soldier, and a true friend. I never knew he was struggling with his life. Point is, you never know who is in pain so check up on your friends. The smallest kindness can help someone. RIP brother. All the way. 💪🏻❤️

I just got threatened with losing a lifelong friendship over my mustache and I literally can’t stop laughing 😂 haters gonna hate but I’m still growing it 🔥

IS IT JUST ME, OR DID I JUST PULL OFF THE GREATEST TWITTER SCHEME OF ALL TIME????? Read the first word of my tweets to find out....

Me: hey life Life: sup Me: listen things are going well could you just mayb- Life: NOPE *throws a whole Netflix series worth of new shit at me* Me: .... Life: (:

My car plays with my emotions more than girls do. One moment, “vroom vroom we rollinnnn”. An hour later, “😫I’m so broken on the inside, spend 200$ on me to make me happy again 😭”

Me to my dog: what’s up loser? My sister: sup

I’m suing my car for emotional distress and breaking down at midnight an hour and a half from home. Get ready Seraphine.

Wasn’t enough to beat McGregor? Idiot

Christmas is in 9 days what