Just landed in Atlanta. Uber driving is asking way too many questions. Please do not let there be traffic in the city today. #Fuck

No, I do not care to hear about the spread of religion throughout the Western world and nor do I want to hear it from a person making $15/hour driving. #HeadphonesOn #Uber

IDC SHOOTERS SHOOT

Country club is full of divorced middle-aged women today. Drinks flowin. The course is fucked today. Cash Davenport

Is this for real or is my 7th rum & coke making me hallucinate (again)

Not having fun anymore. Cash Davenport kicked my ass on the course and then proceeded to tell the sexy cart girl that “they’re better not be any schools within 500 yards of this hole or else my buddy (me) is screwed.

Would you guys accept old man glenn into the lovely ILL fan base for the season??? BJ Calhoun @Sean_MillerUT Cillian “Beans” Thibodeaux

Open season begins today #ILL

Road to the College Football Playoff starts today 🟧 🟦 #ILL #InBretWeTrust

Reminder to get your final film prep in today gentlemen #Locked #ExpectUs BJ Calhoun @Sean_MillerUT

I will be referred to as cILLian from today - onward. Have a good long weekend everyone!

Official season prediction… I’ll see you all in Pasadena #ExpectUs #ILL #famILLy

Dusk falls slow on Champaign skies, Orange & blue begins to rise. Out our hero steps, w/ fire & flair, Mighty Luke Altmeyer, our debonair. He runs, rolls out, & scores again, No mercy shown nor need to feign. 1 game in, take it drive by drive, With Luke leading, we will thrive.

Looking at my 12th beer like:

Arch gonna be benched by halftime

“Yes, Arch ‘Check Down Merchant’ Manning is what they’re calling him now, such a shame, such high expectations, oh poor little Arch, quite the shame, yes.”

Gameday. It’s Altmyer time. 🟦🟧 #BeatDuke #famILLy 🟧🟦

Durham, home to the Blue Devil freaks, W/ their loafers & lattes, some certified geeks. They scoff at the Illini: “Just media hype!” Lest they forget: Altmeyer is ready to snipe. “Dominate” shouts our offensive guru Lunney, Time to decimate Duke, or rather, “Daddy’s money”

I WANT FOUR QUARTERS OF FUCK-YOU-FOOTBALL TODAY #ILL

For some reason I woke up this morning and just knew Tanner Heckel would make a big play #ILL