My hair is so long and thick. Wanna feel it? #shitChrisSays

Have you ever stretched where you're just like, "I could stretch all day"? Come on. Don't be a closet stretcher. #shitChrisSays

I have long nails. Don't rip the wolverine. #shitChrisSays

Computer, stop whistling at me! That's sexual harassment. #shitChrisSays

Reading..... Nothing good ever came from reading. #shitChrisSays

Why don't you get black coffee? Are you coffee racist? #shitChrisSays

Hey, look at this underwear. It's called My Package. #shitChrisSays

♪You're a grinch....... Mr. Grinch♪ #shitChrisSays

Here is a some links. Sorry, here ARE a some links. #shitChrisSays

I couldn't hear you, I was yawning. #shitChrisSays

I never heard of Booba Fett. #shitChrisSays

Guys, I finally created an edible form in Acrobat. #shitChrisSays

It's okay, I know I have a mumbling problem. But, I just don't do anything about it. #shitChrisSays

I gotta remember not to take my shoes off. My feet smell sometimes. #shitChrisSays

Look at those big glops of snow...... gloppy glops.

I'm sweating. I'm hot. Are you guys hot? That's hot. So hot. #shitChrisSays

Dude, I have sensitive skin. Are you gonna kiss me? #shitChrisSays

Suuuuuuuuuuuuuueey! That's right, I called you a cow. #shitChrisSays

"My wife gave her a bow tie the other day." "You mean a ponytail?" "Yeah, uh, a tie." #shitChrisSays

That's kinda weird, I have to talk to you to stand up. #shitChrisSays