eddie redmayne should play professor brian cox now theres a film I would like to watch at the cinema phwoar !!!!!! Brian Cox

happy international woman's evening!!!!!!

i am very excited to buy the new apple watch with calculator functionality!!!!!!

i am devastated to hear that Jeremy Clarkson has been killed by the bbc he was my second favourite comedian after dapper laughs!!!!!!!!

I am in the bath

emergency I am stuck in the bath

i am out of the bath

Devastated to hear that Jeremy Kyle has been fired from the Fifth Gear it was my favourite television show to watch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Devastated to hear that Zayn has left one direction due to stress!!! He thinks he's stressed?? I'm stressed that he's left!!! More stressed!

I am disgusted that my local asda has stopped selling tesco finest tikka masala that was my one night a week treat!!!!!!! Asda Tesco

I have been taking Protein World tablets for 3 months and am feeling extremely beach ready!!!! If only I wasn't so saggy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been taking Protein World tablets and am feeling very beach ready!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely depressed and disgusted that my new macbook does not have a floppy disk drive!!! Where will I save my documentations??????????

I am delighted to announce that I will be a playable character in fifa 2016

Dear CrossCountry Trains please help I am stuck in the toilet on your Birmingham train. The door is non responsive!!! It's nearly my stop!!!!!!!

Hello CrossCountry Trains I am on the Birmingham train!! The main line service!!

Hello CrossCountry Trains I am travelling back from my grandsons in hull. I pressed the emergency button but it just flushed the toilet!! Help!!

many happiest return to queen elizabeth our great queen dear leader 99 today!! #HappyBirthdayYourMajesty

Disgusted and revolted by the ridiculous new wrapping for cadburys roses!!! This is because kraft took over casburys! stupid Americans!!!!!!

here is a poem about tv presenters I do not like: dermot o'leary, oh deary. holly willoughby, get away from me.