We are working our trauma recovery when we choose what our adult relationships will look & feel like-- and when we set limits w/ relationships (romantic, platonic, professional, or spiritual) that chip away at our safety, stability, & self-esteem.

someone once said this to me and it stuck in my mind - “when you look at US healthcare as a jobs program to replace manufacturing, everything starts making sense when it comes to political decisions”

Any relationship that can be ruined by your authenticity, honesty, boundaries, self-care, self-love, self-respect, expressing your feelings, communicating your expectations, telling them what they did to hurt or bother you, or saying no is unhealthy and unstable from the start.

It’s insensitive & dangerous to push a survivor to reconcile with those they’re estranged from. Those stories have complexity with years (sometimes decades) of abuse. While reconciliation can heal, it can also destroy the progress a person made by having space from who hurt them.

Maturity is telling others your decision without seeking their approval, explaining yourself, and defending your decision. People who know and respect you don't need your explanation and will respect your decision and support you. People who don't know you don't deserve it.

I don't want you trying to defend your truth to someone committed to "misunderstanding" you or not hearing you. It can trigger emotional flashbacks to feeling invisible & "stupid" for not explaining yourself well-- when the truth is, the game is rigged. You don't need that.

For those who are highly empathetic: When you place boundaries it’s to protect your empathy. It’s not to become less empathetic towards others, but to protect you from those who see empathy as weakness and have continually used it to hurt you. Your empathy is a gift.

Trust people until they’re reveal they’re not worthy of it. When someone lies, they’ve done you a favor. They’ve revealed they don’t have integrity, and you can find the people who do.

After years of fighting, fawning, or dissociating, many trauma survivors find ourselves in a place of not really knowing who the hell we even are. For us, recovery isn't so much about "recovering" a pre-trauma identity-- it's about rebuilding who we are from scratch.

When a person starts healing after living in survival mode, they have a deep desire for honesty & authenticity. They’ve had to fight for their ability to think clearly & know who they are. It’s been quite costly. They’re not willing to engage with those who won’t respect that.

“Do you remember your favorite teachers? They were probably the ones who wanted to learn your name; who had a warm smile; who made you feel that they were glad to be there to help you learn.”

“There's something unique about being a member of a family that really needs you in order to function well. One of the deepest longings a person can have is to feel needed and essential."

“Some days, doing "the best we can" may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect—on any front—and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else.”

Kids co-regulate with their caregivers. If a parent is dysregulated & unable to self regulate this is confusing for a child. It’s often internalized that the parent’s dysregulation is the child’s fault. The child adjusts to calm their parent. Attachment over authenticity.

When a person is traumatized, it's not only the trauma they're healing from, but the number of times they weren't believed. It's being exposed to people who defend their perpetrator. It's being shamed for not letting it go. It's healing from the worlds response to vulnerability.

If you want a healthy relationship, you’ll need to ask yourself this question over and over again: “Could they be right?“ Here’s Why:

People who grow up in unsafe environments go to extremes to explain themselves or prove their innocence. What others see as a desperation to be seen or heard is often an escape from their fear of being harshly punished. When you see this in others, be kind.

The person most likely to break the cycle, is the one who is self-aware enough to be afraid they’re going to repeat it.

One of the founders of #EBM, Dr. Sackett. Who knows what the real number is, but it's a pithy quote. It's why I try to teach people how to think, not what to think. Clinicians need to develop critical appraisal skills to be able to answer their clinical questions.

#hello I'm Dr Kirsty 🏳️‍🌈 Rick Pescatore, D.O. #hello my name is Ross Dennis Ren Thinking Is Power SAEM EBM IG Here is a lecture for Western University Schulich WesternU Dept Family Medicine from 4 years ago. How To Think - Not What To Think youtube.com/watch?v=5DxJFG…