the amount of snack wraps i’ve eaten since they came back out should not be said out loud

Yall mind if a white boy drinks 5 beers and falls asleep at 11 pm tonight?

Me and who

if dustin poirier loses tonight i give up

i feel like a human form of a snuggie when i wake up in the morning

i’d choose the grateful dead in the 90s over tipper any day of the week

have yall ever thought about just not sniffing entire bags of K on the regular for no reason

everyone shut the fuck up its shark week

RIP Ozzie Osbourne

ABC I’m a bout to cum

me and a singular corona vs the world right now

the summer i turned chopped

i go garbanzo on her bean until that chick pees

getting dumped by the first person you ever saw a future with feels like the biggest gut punch i’ve ever felt

i’m being deployed back to idgafistan