I need Olivia Rodrigo and Weezer's version of ‘Say It Ain’t So’ on Spotify right now

Feeling brain zaps in my tongue this time around 📝

Getting offended when someone suggests I’m not as chronically online as them

I hope I have twin daughters and that they’re just scary as hell

Welcome to my island in the Waymo

Wore a pink sweater to the grocery store earlier and the cashier lady was wearing purple lipstick and she said yes girl we need to be seen! I miss her now

Rakeem for a Dream

Me 4x/week at work except it’s in person unfortunately

A stripper named Gaza (“Gaza, strip!!!”)

I covet hair ties like they’re a finite resource

A pony gathers up its courage and jumps over a small step

When I get seated in an exit row it’s like. Exactly

You’re telling me a crab ran this goon ?

Have you ever had durian ? Was it stinky ? Right right

Now they’re selling street meat in the target parking lot

They’re putting carry ons in overhead compartments in ways never attempted before