And I still need a fucking pedicure.

Well, today my #Teen officially graduated .... from the teen years... fuck, why are my eyes leaking????

I recently told the #Keeper about a dream that woke me: he snuck into my house & scared tf outta me, then laughed bc I was scared (he said, "yeah, plausible..."). Then he stood in my room & farted like a damn bear & laughed when I was annoyed (again he said "plausible"...) 🤣

Well, my #crazyfuckers, I am a burrito .... a #tequila stuffed burrito... 🤣

Some #wine and a little #rain... lovely!

Long day, but good day... How are my #crazyfuckers today?

Probably lucky I didn't feel like catching a case today.... #lawabidingcitizen... but I was #tempted... 🤣

Woah!!! From the side, it's hard to tell there are TWO people!!!! Amazing!!

Long overdue #pedicure today.... yay me! Very frustrated at work, but otherwise, your # vilf is happy... how are my #crazyfuckers on this FriYAY?

A dear sweet friend spelled "sabotage" this way: savitoga... The Brit saying "bless his cotton socks" does come to mind... #sweet We don't love him for his brilliance...

I hope all of my #crazyfuckers are well!! I am 3 shots of #casamigos into the evening... 😳🤣

My demons have always yelled at me... all my life. Now that I'm happy, they've gone to whispering. And somehow, that's even more terrifying. #anxiety #innerdemons (I will NOT let them win!)

Dear #fitpeople... PLEASE stop offering to "train" us #fluffy folks! I KNOW how to lose weight, and I KNOW how to work out... what I DON'T know is how to NOT want this #donut. 🤪

Had a great day with some of my favorite people, and I'm ending it with a #dirtyshot of #Casamigos... hope all my #crazyfuckers had a great day, too!

Just passed a sign advertising land for sale that includes a "pound". I'm hoping it was supposed to say pond, but I am in #Alabama, sooooo... who knows?

Not trying to be political one way or the other, but this is fucking hilarious and I will never NOT see this now!!! Don't troll me with your political comments please... 🙏

My #sinfulsaturday of the past has morphed into #snugglesaturday, and I am pretty okay with that... Luna seems to be happy with it , too!

Got a possible chance to see #zztop soon..... yes, please!!! Maybe I'll show these #legs to the singers of #shesgotlegs.... 😁

WE GOT TICKETS!!!!! WOOOOHOOOO!!!!

Scrolling back through my tweets and I found this one... Now I'm fully convinced that you're NEVER too old for happily ever after... 💜 the #keeper is turning me into a "kept" woman...