so we’re on fast and the furious 9 now and not one of them has had a shred of respect for safety. the tenth one better be “fast10 your seatbelts”

[haven’t watched interview with the vampire yet but] interviewer: well you’re certainly qualified… hmm can you explain this gap? the vampire: yeah uh i was being a vampire

literally how else could this possibly go, like what do you want from the guy, he’s a vampire

cheating on my girlfriend with my wife

medical marinara

how it feels to chew 5 gum type shii

cocaine scented fabric softener

cocaine scented candle

cocaine infused rice pilaf

im in a twitter space with george soros

i have eaten hundreds of thousands of pistachios

i’m drinking beer, the people’s fluid

kissing my gay friends on the lips until they become straight .

an ak-47 in medieval battle would absolutely rake

me, in a medevil battle with an ak-47: my vape is at 3%

calmly cracking a beer during a 7.5 magnitude earthquake

i’m sorry for putting a crest white strip on your baby’s forehead

dont go chasing waterfalls they have been training and they will outrun you

my favorite part of the bible is when jesus laid all those eggs on easter