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sorry i'm gonna be late boss i've been floating above the parking lot for 20 minutes waiting for a spot large enough to land my hot air balloon in to open up

Staff sergeant screaming at squad: NOW ARE YOU GONNA HELP WEAVE THE GREAT TAPESTRY OR CHEW IT UP LIKE A BUNCH OF DAMN MOTHS?!

parking outside the strip mall dunkins and honking my horn until someone comes out to take my order

fired from my job as ballpark organist after playing grouper "alien observer" in its entirety

only sober orc in the friend group ordering hopped water gruel at the tavern

i hope i win The Artifact in the county fair straw game

not really getting a great view of my pit traps from the ring camera. need to look into thermal or something

most bog bodies are just pretending

putting snake on every phone was a mass hypnosis ritual to prepare a generation for climate change. they wanted us cold-blooded and slithering

throwing myself in front of the antique tractor parade

Ordering from Amazon is so easy, and they have all my favorite brands like Wealurre, MAXIFFE, GVY, SUNNOW, EHEYCIGA and Trendy Queen.

i had to leave a lot of my stuff behind when i moved out of that groundwater fissure and into this hollow log

i used the last of my meager savings to hire a herald to announce me for a few days

Look, everything's going to be alright.

sadly had to wreck this kid's sandcastle for not knowing the difference between a bailey and a barbican, let alone not being able to define what a brattice, chemise, or corbel is

going into a corn maze and calling 911 within 30 seconds

what i learned from illegal dumping in all 50 states

they're called delivery drivers because in olden times they had to go to "de livery" to pick up a horse first

relaxing loud coos, caws, rattles, and clicks playlist 5 hours

i hope someday they make a dairy-free bog butter