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Obsessed with putting my phone on dnd and then checking every millisecond to see if I have a notification

Whenever something bad happens to me it’s like oh great. Something bad is happening to me AND I have ugly fucking hair

Smoking a cig outside a bar will yield you more dates than every dating app combined.

When you hang out with your friend and everything is okay again

I like myself. A lot.

I’m SICK of saying it, but I’ll say it again. Asylum seekers can’t claim benefits. You need an NI number to do that. Asylum seekers aren’t staying in 5* hotels. Asylum seekers get £49.18p a week to live on. Could YOU live on that? NOPE. So stop pretending they’re living it large.

"protein pancakes" you will leave this world cold and alone

the silent ‘p’ in raspberry feels very coquettish and leggy. like saying yoo-hoo boys

cigarettes aren't cool? then explain this:

Wait does this mean that I’m in?

so tired of situations and don’t even get me started on predicaments

“Are you interested in this post?” Am I interested in joy? In beauty?

Got stoned and life felt like a Sofia Coppola film