my favorite thing to spend money on is spending my therapy sessions trying to red pill my therapist

duolingo is the only way I mark the passage of time

i know too much to enjoy anything ever again

what the absolute fuck does my toddler think her shadow is

I promise you don’t need to start a podcast

suffering comes in so many flavors

i have the song oklahoma from the musical oklahoma stuck in my head, but only the part where they say ooooklahoma

please stop making everything rechargeable and giving me new errands

hard to picture a time when i can live my life without hearing about wicked

could not possibly have a full time job when I have so many Amazon boxes to open

you know when you blow your nose and you’re like this is definitely it this is the last time I’ll ever need to blow my nose

i wish sardines packaging was applied to literally anything i wanted

I will only be impressed with AI when the GPS stops interrupting me at the most important part of the song

Sick of octopus sycophants

in terms of work, i'm equipped to write the forward of a coffee table book or whatever the equivalent unit would be in a different field, and that's really it

Hate when I ask to see a picture of someone’s pet and it’s not cute

Do you think bill murray would like me

queen of overpriced scissors

anyone who can twerk has practiced twerking alone

searching fb market place for engagement rings just to read the stories