The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

C'MON OAKESHOTT!!!!

I'm running out of breath... #ausvotes

Getting hungry... #ausvotes

WTF??? #ausvotes

What did you have for lunch? Do tell... #ausvotes

Yay!!!! :) #ausvotes

'Case closed' fails.Damage control.Was Policy guy demoted for rudeness or disclosing Koori aid cut plan? #auspol smh.com.au/opinion/politi…

Gold! RT Blueskyism Rulz: LATE BREAKING NEWS: Abbott Policy Director demoted for releasing policy before the election. #auspol

Utterly disgusted with #abcnews24 journos who meet claims of ABC right-bias with "but [x] says we're left-biased!" #auspol #FairAndBalanced