Funniest bootleg someone’s ever done of something I’ve made. You know what? I’m gonna buy one — ebay.us/m/Hj3mue

The way my full penis was posted on the B9 board probably 18 years ago 🫰

I can always guess what flight is going to Omaha, Nebraska based on the people waiting to board

Turns out I’m not depressed I just had to text and drive in my hometown

BIB in Vancouver tomorrow @ Red Gate. Late as hell

Air Canada tried to ruin my weekend by canceling 2 flights but they forgot I have the thing everyone hates me for … childlike whimsy and a joie de vivre

The insane laugh I let out when they revealed Bill on the KOTH reboot

I do not know what an “Arctic Monkey” is and I will not be inquiring any further

BIB in Southeast Asia this December 🥰

If you tell me to vote for this guy in 2028 I’m showing you my gun

Posting a little preview of my show on here because no one follows my pathetic X account 😀

Just remembered someone gave me a stumptown cold brew bottle and I was drinking it during my first session with a new therapist and she asked me why I was drinking alcohol at 10:00am 😩

Why did I do cock of shame? 😩

Congrats to Brock on his exhibit #BigXCoolGala

Just tried a “Celsius” what a horrible experience you’re all sick in the head