I wanted to be buried on my stomach. There’s no way I’m getting any eternal sleep on my back.

I don’t know what the motto is but remember to follow it.

I’m not addicted to social media. I’m addicted to not working.

Can’t believe doomsday clock is still analog. No wonder no one is paying attention.

Old people love going to their favorite local coffee shop and inching their way behind the counter.

I planning to undo every bad habit I have ever had starting tomorrow. Just gonna wake up and make zero mistakes. It’s a simple choice I’m making.

Tonight!

Happy International Women’s Day. I didn’t know your birthdays synced up too.

Finally filed my taxes. I’m glad I put off that half hour activity for four months.

One second you’re looking down this blissful vista, the next you’re blasted with a burst of air to the cornea.

One time I went back to a coffee shop a few hours later to order a second cold brew and the barista asked me if I was okay. It feels good to be truly seen.

I don’t understand the barn esthetique in bars and restaurants. I’ve never been eating and thought I wish I felt more like an animal.

The craziest Mandela Effect. When I was a kid, I remember my life having potential.

if you’re not going to pass student loan forgiveness, at least pass assisted suicide

As insecure as I can be, I seem to have unwavering faith that I’ll be more productive tomorrow.

Why are we watching reality tv when we can go to a coffee shop and eavesdrop on a first date?

I sleep on my stomach because even in my sleep I’m a top.

I got a rash on my hand. Spooky!

Writer’s block is the best way to say I don’t have any good thoughts right now.

You know someone’s old when their age is followed by a “but I feel…”