20 years ago, when you saw somebody walking down the street, waving their arms wildly, talking loudly with someone who wasn't there, it was because they had schizophrenia. Now when you see that, it's because they have Bluetooth.

Knife fight. Who wins?

My doomscrolling will save the world!

What would YOU do with 400 million dollars?

The neighbor's hen laid an egg on my car and then smashed it! Jerk chicken.

409 47 Am I doing it right?

❤️☠️🤖 Bases loaded, motherfuckers! #LoveDeathAndRobots

I used to Rick roll people with "Together Forever." youtu.be/yPYZpwSpKmA

From Johnny Dangerously. Remember when this was just a joke?

Where would they deport you if you only spoke Klingon?

Jill Filipovic Geshitzengiggles

I had a Michelin chef cook me a meal once. It tasted like burnt rubber. I should have checked what kind of Michelin...

Happy Farter's Day!

Happy Juneteenth everybody!

My mom said she's going to the iDoctor. I didn't know Apple was doing health care.