She's a guppy living in a mud puddle and she thinks she's a shark.

Everyone has a stupid gene. Problem is whether it is dominant or not.

That dude is an idiot savant. We just don't know what he's good at yet.

That guy would talk to a fence post if it held still long enough.

Chuck passed today. He was not just my boss, he was also my friend. I will miss him.

I don't have enough middle fingers for that motherfucker!

That fuckers so lazy, he'd drag out a fart.

If I could go back in time, I'd kick your dad off of your mom.

You don't need to tie a bow around that pig. That pig just needs to oink.

I'm so sick, I can shit through a keyhole.

"I've never dealt with someone who made Eeyore look like he's on speed."

There's two birds in your nest. One's trying to feed you, the other one is just shitting in it.

I'm scared of two things, women and spiders, and you aren't either one of those.

They say she's got two kids. I don't know how. She'd bitch me limp.

If we date for four months, and I don't get laid, then I'm out.

That dude thought his dick was dragging through the sand. Really he was just laying face down.

She might be a 2 at 10. But she's gonna be a 10 at 2.

For some people, technology should just be a bic pen and paper.

He's the type of guy you'd give a chainsaw to and he'd use it like an axe.

I feel like a traffic cop at a fucking cat parade.