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Normalize smoking cigars during workouts.

What mixed drink goes best with PB&J?

I just got Netflix. How do I filter my choices for tank battles, bar fights, and pole dance scenes? Do I have to pay extra for that?

Hold my bottle rockets has a certain ring to it.

Really appreciate all the new followers today and so does my butler Ferruccio. To celebrate I told him I'd buy him tongs so he doesn't have to flip steaks on the grill with his bare hands. New podcast episode drops tomorrow 7am eastern. I think you'll love it!

1920s car chases in movies suck!

One of the coolest parts of owning Doggy Style Airlines is that all the flights must pass over my house. I say it's because I want to salute the the pilots but honestly it's so I can fine the passengers for violating my sovereign air space. Always look for add on revenue!

You know you've made it when you have enough money to buy your neighbor's house and move in the same night your old house burns down

You haven't lived until you've driven a go-cart out onto an active runway and raced a jumbo jet on take off.

Nothing will test your mettle as CEO, or feelings of being kept out of the loop, like walking in on employees having a full-blown orgy in the break room. And all this time I thought Rachel and Stacy in accounting didn't like each other!

My favorite fitness tracker is the vomit I leave in my neighbor's yard after I do sprints.

What was the best year ever for box wine?

Did you know I got a kazoo implanted in my butt?

Do you want me to talk on the podcast about how I worked on Wall Street, or about how I failed my helicopter check ride 19 times?

Piss on the tour of homes. Not one home had a mirror over the master bed or pork rinds in the pantry.

I keep following people but I'm not getting paid. Am I doing this right?

Why do they call it the pound if all the dogs there are spayed and neutered?

Don't say spay.