brb gotta go pick up my wife’s kids with humility and love

All that needs to happen is a reporter ask him, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how woke was Jesus,” and he’ll drop out.

Stone Cold Encyclopedia Brown

Watched this from top to bottom and would do it again

Look, if it costs Amazon $10B a year for me to turn on a radio, be a light switch, and make a grocery list, then so be it.

I’m watching The Offer and it’s like if Christopher Moltisanti did a bunch of crank, pulled up the IMDB trivia section of The Godfather and stayed up for five straight days and wrote a series.

As an Italian-American, I think my favorite parts of The Offer are when they address the stereotyping of Italian-Americans by reinforcing stereotypes of Italian-Americans.

LOLZ Jenna Ellis

So curious that none of them ever bring up the conspiracy to forge documents and submit fake electors to his VP. Wonder why?

It’s 330am on July 5th, 1985, 18th inning of a game between the Mets/Braves. The Braves are down 11-10 and down to their last hitter. They send reliever Rick Camp, who had a batting average of .062. See what happens. Beautiful call by legendary broadcaster, John Sterling.

I don’t think Damon has ever been in a superhero movie but he sure as hell smashed the living shit out of these two.

BREAKING HURRICANE NEWS:

I’m not in LA for this tropical storm and it’s absolutely incredible how useless Twitter has become to follow events like this. Like, there’s nothing even in the “For You” feed.

Here’s how broken Twitter is—woke up early in Cleveland to get updates on my home in LA. For You was filled with people surfing, dancing, and doing stupid shit in floodwaters. Looked at “Trending,” saw “LA River,” clicked “Latest” and saw these, and only these:

CARRIE FISHER promoting Star Wars on French TV, and speaking very good French.

Hey actors, here’s a new audition monologue

Wanna see Boebert getting kicked AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL the way out of a theater?