It’s 8:41am on the 4th of July and my kids are still asleep. It’s quiet and I’m enjoying my coffee. This is miraculous. 🇺🇸

Yes, we know. People are lighting fireworks on Independence Day. Thanks for calling and telling us. Oh and yes, basically everything is on fire…

We talked the other night 🎙️ youtu.be/Mhm9Xpg86ys

Anyone have a preferred method of mass murder of ants within your dwelling? (Without harming my family’s health)

Currently looking at two great versions of stars & stripes.

Perfect meal. Perfect atmosphere. Exquisite dining experience. O'Hare Intl. Airport #chicago

💪🏼

It’s pretty nice living in a fairly high trust society compared to what I got used to in Chicago. Small example- these “use & return” trash grabbers at the park. My kid and I had a blast with picking up the few bits of litter found. These would all be stolen 1st day

I don’t weigh myself at home so only get occasional weight checks @ the doc …but today’s weigh in said I’ve lost 22lbs since moving to CA. Wish I knew what the biggest contributor to the drop 🤔 Could make a few educated guesses (ex: I often skip breakfast) but not certain

Weird brag no one will be impressed with but …. I’m extremely proficient at catching flies with my bare hands. Went 7 for 7 today. 😂

Sometimes I look at the chaff from my coffee grinder and I wonder to myself “has anyone ever smoked this?” Someone has likely tried and I’m assuming the results weren’t favorable or euphoric. I’ll never attempt to know… but still wonder.

Hello Switzerland 🇨🇭

Landed in Geneva🇨🇭 . Walked 2-3 minutes from baggage claim. Easily bought a train ticket at a kiosk by punching in my destination city. Walked another 2 minutes and got on the smoothest, cleanest, quietest train of my life. This is a well-planned society.

Summer

I’m currently at a mall with my family and it’s a sad scene compared to the last time I was in one. (Very long ago)

My kids witnessed me get recognized in public for the first time last weekend. Their follow up questions were so cute. “Well if you’ve never met that man before how did he know you do crazy stuff on your bicycle?” Funny conversations to have.

Well that’s a new one

Shocking levels of hustle and aggression

Billy Joel has produced an usual amount of bangers.

My son spilled his milk this morning. He immediately sprang into action to clean it up. With the dustbuster. So there’s that. 😂