I have upgraded the graphics processing unit on my personal computer for no reason other than hubris

Blow flies fly like they're late for a meeting but don't know which room it's in

May Kindle no. 4 live a longer and happier life than your three fallen brethren inshallah

I don't trust anyone too enthusiastic about the burger chain Grill'd. I'm not sure I even want you in my life tbph

FUCK I missed my chance.

Cous cous, the food so nice they named it

You ever put a show on in the background to browse your phone to but forget it's in another language and you spend an hour listening to Korean without realising

It's simple really. breakfast should be $10, lunch $15 and dinner $20. This will heal the economy

Finished all my work and the day isn't even half way through work is bullshit let me go hooooome

If it were three hours in the future I'd be at home skipping through wwe Raw but making fun of it the whole time so everyone knows I watch it ironically

The good people of Bell Street, Preston are completely unaware I got over one hundred likes on a tweet and that's a shame

Tim Robinson says things your dad would say but in a funny voice

A fisherman lives here with the best catch of his life

Important update from dad re: dog sitting

Drinking beer made from the plants you're looking at is pretty chill

Live, Laugh, Love, Loiter around shopping centres

The kids today don't understand why Kid Cudi had to go all the way back to Honolulu just to get that Maui Wowee

I may be at work but I'm still spiritually unemployed and that's what really matters

Might become one of those people who posts 'today's office' or something when they're working somewhere that isn't a shit hole

Little bro became a Dad today, Dad became a grandpa and I... I'll probably do something at some point