Don’t ask questions you don’t want an honest answer to.

Ok, I just have two critical things to get done today.

Well, there’s also - oh, ok, so three critical things to get done today.

But I still need to… ok, five critical things to get done today.

No, wait - ah fuck.

Having a rough day. Here’s a puppy.

Two copyright lawyers dating is all fun and games until the movie you want to watch isn’t on *any* streaming service, and neither of you can bear to pirate the damn thing.

So if you mention the house you’re touring to a local and they start laughing… I’m guessing that’s a bad sign?

Peep-mosa time….

Happy Easter from that time early in the pandemic when I lost my mind and did an Easter photoshoot with my cat.

My dad the first time he visited for dinner: “oh anything you want to do is great, we’re easy.”

My dad now: “Cherry pie for dessert, and why not pick up some burger patties and pasta salad so we can do a little cookout Saturday night?”

I’ve probably tweeted this before, but I will never get over the time my family, through a series of miscommunications and misadventures, ended up with no less than 40 pounds of Easter ham for four people.

Discussing the bridge collapse this morning turned into a convo about what to do if your car goes into water, and now that I’m thinking about it I’m a little surprised that doesn’t usually become a big part of the conversation around incidents like this - it probably should!

Partner (romantic)™️: “We really need to remember to pick up those Lindt bunnies.”

Me: “Lint bunnies?!? Where? I just vacuumed!”

The cool thing about oversharing on twitter is that I have a contemporaneous record of how the very first conversation I ever had with partner (romantic)™️ made me feel.

When the trademarks are dead but the sign remains.

Harsh but accurate

Cheers to the year the Catholic University of America hosted an Admitted Students’ Day on St. Patrick’s Day, and I got to spend the day enjoying the horrified looks of parents witnessing the drinking school with a Catholic problem to which they were about to send their offspring

Just spent a good five minutes thinking about green outfits to wear this weekend for St. Patrick’s Day, completely and utterly forgetting that my hair is bright green.