Told my nephew I had to get off FaceTime cuz I’m about to stream Kardashians and he goes “errr.. what is a kardashian???” I loveeee that for him

JULY • Pan fried seabass with fried ginger and spring onion on turmeric rice • Padron peppers • Vegetable egg noodles • Thai chicken holy basil stir fry with fried egg and jasmine rice

There is no one I dislike more than the guy that bought this app.

Bought a different brand of jasmine rice (5kg bag) and it’s so shit I can’t even feed my customers this. Just had to re-do someone’s meal cuz it’s so baddd 😂

Happy heavenly birthday to the goat 🕊️🕊️🕊️

I just love a ham sandwich sometimes.

Got invited to eat at Hunan Terrace omg the food is insane - 13 plates thank u DJ Swerve for the hookup

I SAW DURAND BERNARR IN THE FLESH. MY YEAR IS MADE.

Why do people who have the lowest budgets demand the most from me goddamn it

The vet said our cat was a fatty creeper.

Lord please give me strength for the next few days.

Lost half a stone in 5 days because I’ve been so anxious and food was the last thing on my mind. My cat being ill is my personal ozempic.

Also RIP 🕊️ to baby girl Cher, that news broke me.

STAY STRONG.

I have nothing to say other than this -

“Sorry I missed your call, I was in the metaverse”

Joel’s flight got cancelled so I’m gonna make Pad Krapow, smoke a lot of weed and watch Mean Girls The Musical.

GAWDDAMNNNN

Went to view a flat yesterday and we spotted Lazy Susan on their refrigerator. The guy who lived there asked me for a selfie with him lol - I’ve had a rough couple of months but this is v v cute

If someone sits opposite you on the tube and the flash from their phone camera goes off in your face multiple times… like??