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My girlfriend just asked me if I could make her another couple bits of toast. She probably thought I'd need to get a second knife dirty. Wrong. I'd carefully rested the original knife on the edge of the sink. Been training my whole life for this moment.

Everyone has one of these in their neighbourhood....

Autocap giving us the sitcom we didn't know we needed

oh i love that decemberists song

The BBC News website simply *must* make it clear when they are consolidating headlines from unrelated stories on their front page.

Crazy to think almost no world-historical figure - Gandhi, Genghis Khan, Sojourner Truth - had the 1st clue about even basic cyber security

Never seen the like, performative book reading on the train. Opens the Kate Atkinson, titters twice, one guffaw, two shocked gasps, another loud, lingering laugh, then closes the book, goes back to her phone. All inside 15 seconds

If they were still making The Sopranos there'd be a bit where Tony was pissed off about how they make you download an app for every fuggin thing

how people sound when they say “that’s a straw man argument”

Soup is one of the few food that's harder to eat with your hands than a utensil. Gave it a bloody good go though

Adulterous narcissists are now held to impossible beauty standards

Me at my 225th rodeo: "What the hell is going on?"

If you’re confused about which way the clocks go in which season, here’s an easy way to remember: SPRING your phone will do it for you FALL your phone will do it for you

my favorite thing about halloween is watching couples fight, name any other time you get to see a drunk penguin break up with a sobbing deadpool cause he was hitting on a sexy crayola box

I'm not a guy whose afraid to whistle if he's feeling jolly