Not cool. Literally.

Free yourself from the shackles of prescribed punctuation. (From 2019) wired.trib.al/lP0Uict

Pretty cool Mother’s Day gift from Madam, I’m Adam — who even got it personally signed by the great @PintsandPanels ❤️❤️❤️

There is a 10-year-old boy on my flight with a briefcase

Dropping in for a beer while I’m in town surlybrewing

Ahhh, Twitter. The place to come for fresh takes like, “women aren’t funny.”

How many Fifth Element references are on this list? I only spot 2 but I’m not really a fan of the movie

Just over here explaining to a 5-year-old why he can’t pick up rocks with bird poop on them. Happy Memorial Day, y’all

7 spam calls all from different 888 or 844 numbers so far today, starting at 6:30am.

Not ominous at all

Had to reference this tweet today 😆

I didn’t get the memo

Why is it a common thing to put soft fabric backs on picture frames? Do they just hate people with pets?

In case anyone needs it

We have GOT to stop using “F/U” as the abbreviation for “follow up.”

I had dip for breakfast this morning. It’s a great way to start the day! 10/10

(Falling to my knees, begging, pleading) Please. Folks, seriously. PLEASE. Do not - and I can’t emphasize this enough - set the state on fire this weekend.

Q: Is it valid to put “write to-do list” on your to-do list then immediately cross it off? A: Yes

<<screams into the abyss>>

A video game where the objective is to get kids out the front door. The early levels, it’s just one kid. The hardest level I’ve gotten to so far, it’s a five-year-old who has very particular demands around shoes and a two-year-old who only says “no” and “hold this.”