Stared deeply at the wall in my shower for 30 minutes conjuring up scenarios in which I stoically led the country through unprecedented historical events as the Commander-in-chief

Why dudes hate me Most dudes: “yoo maybe we can get some 1-2 drinks at a dive bar (so it’s cheap) just to catch a vibe. You pick the bar?” Me: “Hey can’t do anything tonight. Have to eat some dog food I made and watch Thursday night football while I scroll Twitter”

The dreams that happen between snoozing your alarms and waking up extremely late for work are always so special

ATTENTION YOUTUBE TV CUSTOMERS: Youtube TV is at it again and may drop this channel and your favorite sports and shows. Go to briankellykilledaguy.com to learn more.

Society if I was disgustingly rich and also had the girl of my dreams (ex-girlfriend)

Last night was a full send bro

If you want to LEVEL UP you NEED to be doing this! 💪🏻 The top 1% DOES NOT🙅🏼‍♂️ want you to find out about this one simple screen time hack break free of the system!

We should bring public execution back for people who don’t pick up their dog’s shit on the sidewalk

Every time I open this app on a game day admin is tweeting about a goal conceded. Sickening club

Watching Malik Washington play football

I’m am a genuine threat to myself

I think Charlie Kirk got what he deserved. My name is Mike Locksley and I’m the head football coach at the University of Maryland.

Mike Locksley in any game of consequence

Starting a new workout split: Spring: Arms 7 days a week Summer: Chest + Back 7 days a week Fall: Legs 3 days a week Winter: Rest

Another day of watching Malik Washington play football for the Maryland Terrapins. We are so blessed.

Friendly reminder Mike Locksley is getting paid $6.1 MILLION to push out results like this