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boss: mike we're gonna need to cut back your hours this month. landlord: mike i gotta raise your rent this month. me: oh gweat. this is just pelfect. my weeno jest got bitten half by a snappine total

the name Gracie Abrams sounds like a girl who gets kicked in the head by a horse and all the teachers make you sign a big card

money’s not coming with me to heaven.. so can’t a girl just have fun

she looks kinda … copenhagen rhythmic music conservatory student here.. like she’s studying with smerz, fine and erika de casier

absolutely vibrating thinking about singing diet pepsi at applebees karaoke

everyone i play dnd with names their characters the most elegant shit meanwhile i’m naming my characters shit like garfield or spanky

Blacking out and attacking people on the street to Archie, Marry Me

i love when gay people have kids and i have a niece who calls me auntie diva

achoo .

engaging in habits and behaviors x

im such a wife guy its actually so stupid

finally found a group of boys to play basketball with we are so fucking back

Make sure you eat well today, get good sleep, and lay out tomorrow’s outfit next to you on your bed so you don’t waste a second. We’re making this count #LezOutJuly

Fade into you

i love being in my 20s and going to the club and kissing my friends on the mouth

they should give ashley tisdale a gun

trying this new viral challenge where i go outside and play with my friends

jesus christ LMAOOO Do you remember when you joined X? I do! #MyXAnniversary

me making sure my ex was wearing comfortable shoes every day for 2 years so they wouldnt get even slightly uncomfortable and be mean to me all day

crying over the moon