A production engineer investigating a poorly performant binary has discovered that it is executing code that isn't possible in its associated source.

A huge fire has erupted at a datacenter you rely on.

Your response efforts have produced *no root cause* for a data breach that you are obligated to disclose.

A ransomware gang has listed your company as a victim. They forgot to leave a ransom note, making negotiation or payment impossible. 🙃

Your eSignature vendor has announced a breach. All contracts have been exposed to an unknown adversary.

Your cloud provider has deleted one of your accounts.

Your hosted data warehouse has notified you of a breach.

All of your corporate cellular call and text records are leaked publicly.

All systems running a particular EDR are crashing.

Nearly all customers are reaching out simultaneously after your product has triggered an outage.

The management control plane you would normally use to respond to an outage is down because of the outage

Recovery keys necessary to recover from an outage are inaccessible due to the same outage.

An adversary has sent a specially crafted packet designed to exploit a vulnerable tcp/ip stack in a server you’ve exposed to the internet.

An unknown threat actor had gained access to the Company’s Google G-Suite account and changed passwords of all users of the Company’s G-Suite products (GMail, GDrive, G-Suite, etc), thereby denying access to all users.

An incident has just been declared after evidence of an intrusion was discovered. All relevant on-calls have been paged. Happy Labor Day

An executive of yours has suddenly decided to correct people who are wrong on the internet. The wrong people very quickly start paying attention to your executive, who was not previously in the public eye.

A military has found a way to blow up a product you sell, remotely. nytimes.com/live/2024/09/1…

A competitor has submitted a functionally identical proposal to one you’ve submitted that is only dollar under yours. The potential client, confused, asks if this is some kind of joke. They never shared your proposal, nor have you.

Billing alerts for outbound data transfer have started going off in object storage where your backup databases are stored. Happy Thanksgiving

Your remote support employees have been successfully bribed.